Brick Walls….Or maybe I should have titled this post Si Yo Puede

Lessons abound on an awakened path. Whether you are an entrepreneur, creative individual or some other type of “label”…these universal rules hold constant for all of us…especially this one: “what you put out is what you get back”.

And what I put out created a cute little brick wall for myself. Long story short (side-bar, if you want to full story please visit me at The Red Tent Symposium) after a few weeks of tears, wails, throwing myself of the couch, a few containers Ciao Bella Key Lime Gelato, long walks (cue song “Every Body Hurts”), lots of unpaid bills, and a good cursing out over what I was not doing that I KNOW that I should have been doing, I FINALLY decided to stop the madness.

For me, this is often one of the hardest lessons that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Particularly in times when things are just not going well for me, I always have to fall back to the “well Evelyn, what kinda shyt are you putting out there?” That’s a loaded question if I did ever ask myself. Many times, I utter less than flattering things about a situation or even myself out of sheer frustration and disappointment.  Unfortunately, from my understanding, the universe does not differentiate on the “WHY” we said it (i.e, major contract fell through and now I’m just F!CKED), it just focuses on the fact that we said it in the first place.

In the spiritual realm, energy is all fine and great, but when you are trying to live a spiritual path on this here earth plane, your going to have your moments of fear, disappointment, anger, and bitterness…or more simply put, a lack of faith.  So when the going gets tough, how do you deal? Even in the heightened levels of your misery, how do you see the silver lining in the cloud of doom?

Its very simple.

First, I decided to change my perspective. I decided to change my attitude. My “failure” wasn’t really a failure but a refusal to go in the direction, albeit unknown and kind of thorny, that I know is my true path.

Resistance is a bytch.

But it’s really not that simple.  Why?  because you have to train your mind to be comfortable in the fuckery. The minute that we choose to see a negative situation for what it is, neutralize our initial response, and have a different outlook, our MINDS start churning in indignation about why “we are not taking this threat seriously”

In addition to making a change in perspective, I also had to accept my principle role in my mess. I let my frustrations and disappointments get the best of me. I doubted my abilities to “do this”, I started believing that my work was not “of value” and “too esoteric” because I was equating its importance to the lack of revenue. I started beating myself up horribly and calling myself simple and silly for believing that this was my true calling.  Imagine that.

Goddess down, someone please dial 911. So much self-hateration #nomary

I wrote a first, so clearly there is a second thing I did (or am currently doing)…

I decided to Stop the Bullshyt and cut out what was not working. I decided to stop resisting what I should have been doing long ago….educating and empowering through WRITING.

My epiphany went a little something like this: “This shyt is not working”.  Empty pockets, empty bank accounts and ringing phones have this strange way of either immobilizing your or motivating you to get off your ass to DO SOMETHING even if it means quitting (there is such a think as quitting with dignity. Everything doesn’t have to be a spectacular crash and burn).

Write about what you ask? Writing about how to make your life as a Creative (whether as a freelancers, entrepreneur, self-starter, whatever) work. Writing about the mechanics of making money as a creative and cultural worker. Writing about how to create policies & how to advocate for the economic development of the creative and cultural economies (it is a global trend!!!)  Resisting the fact that my insight and intuition are supreme and I am meant to be a thought leader in this field.

I kept putting off the writing and the blueprinting because I was getting in my own way with the “well how the hell am I supposed to make money off of this esoteric stuff”.  I chased the more tangible opportunities (with ok success), but failed to realize that I was still operating in an unsupportive framework. I was trying to force my round peg into the square hole.

In this case, the force was not with me.

What you resist does most certainly persist and by doing everything but what my purpose-filled entrepreneurial journey dictated that I do, I screwed myself and created the brick wall.

Thus, I take responsibility.

I realize that while I thought I was clear about what I wanted…I was really sending out confusion, because what I wanted (or thought I was supposed to do) really had nothing to do with the path that I am supposed to be on but WAS to scared to fully commit to.

To wrap it up, if you have fuckery going on in your life, acknowledge and accept your role in it. Look objectively at the situation and don’t bastardize, dehumanize and beat yourself up in the process.  Oprah said it best: “failure is a signpost that means we need to go in another direction”.

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